Goodbye Ugly, Hello Good
It's been shown that a significant part of one's personality makeup is strongly established by the time you are 19 years old. Before turning 20 people are set in patterns determined by family systems, education, health, economics, adolescent life experiences, joys and sorrows -- and all within the first twenty years of life. After that changes in one's opinions, attitudes, outlooks, etc., can be altered, but only with a high degree of intentionality and focus. With counseling and therapy even those traits firmly established can shift, but again only with strong commitment from the one wanting to change.
By the time one turns 30 years old, and 50 and 70, a lengthy pattern of behavior contributes to and even constitutes one's reputation. Students are labeled early in life as problematic and it becomes incredibly difficult for such students to shed the reputation. Sometimes perceived difficulty can be by association. Younger siblings pay a price for being related to an older brother or sister previously known to be "trouble." Of course, it works the other way. A saintly child passes on later unfair expectations toward a younger sibling. Adults are "surprised" and "disappointed" to not see the same halo that adorned the older brother or sister. Children with no siblings are often typed, for better or worse, on the reputations of parents and other family members.
This post is sympathetic to unfair portrayals and believes each person should be treated with unique respect. Nevertheless, in support of the above theory of early personality behavior being fairly established early in life, this post also wants to briefly acknowledge the need to be aware and forewarned that sometimes we simply need to deal with it. In basic terms, ugly is as ugly does and good begets good.
Ugly behavior is hard to stop in other people and it is hard to stop being ugly when you have been ugly most of your life. Correlatively, good people have an intrinsic good about them that can prove constant over the years. What's absolutely amazing and intriguing to people who want to understand people is the power some folks have to veil or mask their true personalities. This is where it gets very complicated.
There is a category of people who "seem" ugly or "appear" good when, in reality, it is all a facade. Dysfunction reigns at such times and chaos, inevitably, ensues. In certain systems (for example, the Church), collaborative work is impaired and, to be honest, it really doesn't get much worse. The devastation which results causes everyone to question the motives of everyone else. Factions become the norm and suspicions run rampant. "We/They" nomenclature rules and friendships, regardless of after how many years, are seriously jeopardized, if not irreparably damaged. Lies, deceit and slander become the tools of the trade and it becomes only a matter of time before once was is no longer. Once was a vital, healthy system (family, friendship, congregation) now goes rotten to the core. It never starts with the core, but, rather with the invasive agent (person, group, consultant) which the core tolerates too early and too long, it becomes only a matter of time before everything is spoiled.
No one party is totally guilty. There are caustic, corrosive agents in every camp. The question becomes what to do. The length of this post will cause a suspension on offering comprehensive thoughts. Perhaps you, the readers, could suggest strategy to avert the impending disaster. Satan and the demons on Evil's payroll wreak havoc among God's people, ugly and good. That much is something to which we can all agree. Now we must also agree to collegially and collectively corroborate our conviction that Satan is the problem, not our brothers and sisters in the faith. What then would follow is the shared proclamation that God has already defeated Satan and now it's time, in fact, way past time, that we start behaving with each other like we actually believe it.
Stop the lies. Stop the innuendo. Stop the bullying. Stop the harassment. Stop the abusive threats. Stop the attempts to intimidate. Stop the slanderous e-mails and letters. Stop the hate.
Start holding the caustic agents accountable. Start to get involved in the solution. Start behaving in a covenant of honesty. Start forgiving. Start praying like you've never prayed before.
Continue to love. Don't fear the worst. Expect the best. Veer away from ugly. Steer toward good. Become empowered to make a difference. Speak up and declare the time is ripe for a new day. These are trying times and they warrant our full attention. Choose a truly healthy system, not one only by name, and align yourself with a healthy community. They exist and will positively welcome you. Life is not to be sinfully wasted. Perhaps behaviorally we're locked in to the first twenty years of our life, but, spiritually, it's new day. A brand new day.
By the time one turns 30 years old, and 50 and 70, a lengthy pattern of behavior contributes to and even constitutes one's reputation. Students are labeled early in life as problematic and it becomes incredibly difficult for such students to shed the reputation. Sometimes perceived difficulty can be by association. Younger siblings pay a price for being related to an older brother or sister previously known to be "trouble." Of course, it works the other way. A saintly child passes on later unfair expectations toward a younger sibling. Adults are "surprised" and "disappointed" to not see the same halo that adorned the older brother or sister. Children with no siblings are often typed, for better or worse, on the reputations of parents and other family members.
This post is sympathetic to unfair portrayals and believes each person should be treated with unique respect. Nevertheless, in support of the above theory of early personality behavior being fairly established early in life, this post also wants to briefly acknowledge the need to be aware and forewarned that sometimes we simply need to deal with it. In basic terms, ugly is as ugly does and good begets good.
Ugly behavior is hard to stop in other people and it is hard to stop being ugly when you have been ugly most of your life. Correlatively, good people have an intrinsic good about them that can prove constant over the years. What's absolutely amazing and intriguing to people who want to understand people is the power some folks have to veil or mask their true personalities. This is where it gets very complicated.
There is a category of people who "seem" ugly or "appear" good when, in reality, it is all a facade. Dysfunction reigns at such times and chaos, inevitably, ensues. In certain systems (for example, the Church), collaborative work is impaired and, to be honest, it really doesn't get much worse. The devastation which results causes everyone to question the motives of everyone else. Factions become the norm and suspicions run rampant. "We/They" nomenclature rules and friendships, regardless of after how many years, are seriously jeopardized, if not irreparably damaged. Lies, deceit and slander become the tools of the trade and it becomes only a matter of time before once was is no longer. Once was a vital, healthy system (family, friendship, congregation) now goes rotten to the core. It never starts with the core, but, rather with the invasive agent (person, group, consultant) which the core tolerates too early and too long, it becomes only a matter of time before everything is spoiled.
No one party is totally guilty. There are caustic, corrosive agents in every camp. The question becomes what to do. The length of this post will cause a suspension on offering comprehensive thoughts. Perhaps you, the readers, could suggest strategy to avert the impending disaster. Satan and the demons on Evil's payroll wreak havoc among God's people, ugly and good. That much is something to which we can all agree. Now we must also agree to collegially and collectively corroborate our conviction that Satan is the problem, not our brothers and sisters in the faith. What then would follow is the shared proclamation that God has already defeated Satan and now it's time, in fact, way past time, that we start behaving with each other like we actually believe it.
Stop the lies. Stop the innuendo. Stop the bullying. Stop the harassment. Stop the abusive threats. Stop the attempts to intimidate. Stop the slanderous e-mails and letters. Stop the hate.
Start holding the caustic agents accountable. Start to get involved in the solution. Start behaving in a covenant of honesty. Start forgiving. Start praying like you've never prayed before.
Continue to love. Don't fear the worst. Expect the best. Veer away from ugly. Steer toward good. Become empowered to make a difference. Speak up and declare the time is ripe for a new day. These are trying times and they warrant our full attention. Choose a truly healthy system, not one only by name, and align yourself with a healthy community. They exist and will positively welcome you. Life is not to be sinfully wasted. Perhaps behaviorally we're locked in to the first twenty years of our life, but, spiritually, it's new day. A brand new day.
posted by Joe Marek | 7:01 AM
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