I Brake For Holidays

Thank you to everyone who reads these posts. It's a busy time of the year, then a period for rest, including some away time. Blessings to everyone. I'll be back with a new thought on January 1.

Valuable, But Not Noticed

Amongst you right now is someone performing acts of kindness, acts incredibly important in creating a better world, acts critical for survival, and all done with little or no recognition. What a gift! Helping others with no need for demonstrable thanks. Motivated to help simply because it is the right thing to do, taking the high road in the midst of rutted back roads. Opting for giving instead of receiving. Expecting nothing in return. Comfortable with flying under radar, because stealthy generosity reduces the possibility of being distracted by hangers on who do not share the virtue of genuine love.

Thank you, dear people, for your efforts. Every once in a while your unassuming, caring demeanor is noticed and truly inspires us to be more like that, more like you. We know you have no desire to be placed in the spotlight, so we will respect that. Nevertheless, please do not deny us the chance to show our appreciation, even with only words of gratitude. To be thanked does not negate your moving among us. Perhaps, by showing our appreciation, you would allow us to learn from you how to carry out similar acts of kindness.

Someone must have shown you the noble path. Was it a mentor? Tell us about that person so that we can share the common cup of knowledge and motivation. Be autobiographical so that we can relate to where you were when you learned this model. We will see familiar stories and be inspired even more. Were you ever tempted to stray? Surely, you were. What happened? Be real to us so that we may be real to others.

When it's all been said and done, we will wonder how we could have ever done what we did without you in our lives. To be so valuable, but not noticed. We are indebted to you. Words never express it all, but thank you. You have blessed us.

Love

Love is never really love if it is not expressed. If love is not expressed, it may still be love, but it cannot be experienced. If love is not experienced, then it is only a concept. If it is only a concept, then who gives a flying ...?, but I digress.

The cartoon a few years ago says it all. A middle-aged husband and wife are sitting one morning at the kitchen table. The man is behind the newspaper reading the sports section. The woman is across the table, eating alone, and says, "You never tell me you love me." He responds, "Yes, I do. I told you 'I love you' the day we were married. If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know."

So obviously sad. If we don't tell our loved ones on a regular basis that we love them, they may know we love them, but what good is that kind of love? It amounts to little to know that you are loved, but have no experience of it. We are more than cerebral beings. We are also responsive, tactile, emotional, sensing beings. To say you love someone is only the very first step in exploring the possibility of love between people. When loving words are reciprocal a foundation is begun, but only a foundation. Without actions to follow, such primitive love is no better than a book on a shelf unread, a seed in the ground with no nurturing, a house with no residents.

Children can never be told they are loved too much. Certainly, they can be spoiled, but that is not love. Love involves caring, commitment, patience, forgiveness and so much more. Adults can never be loved too much. True love comes in remarkable, replenishable proportions and is capable of transforming any recipient from worthlessness to an awareness of supreme worth.

To be loved and to experience love is the essence of life. To never know love is to exist in a life-less form. To love another person, as sung in Les Miserables, is to see the face of God.

Love, love, love, that's what it's all about.... All you need is love.... What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.... What's love got to do with it? Everything. How futile to truly love a person, but never express it. Of course, love is not always returned, but that's a topic for another post. Nevertheless, rejected love is tragic, but unexpressed love is inexcusable. If you love someone, say it, show it, mean it, and leave no ambiguity. To do less is merely a pathetic display of selfishness, the impotent emotion of a preoccupied ego. Okay, okay, maybe that's a little strong.

Maybe not.

Beware of The Need to Understand

This post will cut to the chase. One of the most annoying phrases du jour is "(Fill in the blank) needs to understand." It is not only annoying, but audaciously condescending. For example, "The American people need to understand...." When someone suggests someone else needs to understand, it closes the valuable opportunity for dialogue. One person is saying to the other(s), "I understand, now you need to understand." Or, to put it more strongly, "What you know is not as important as what I know, and because of what I know, you now need to understand."

Why not discuss what all of us know and then move toward agreement? Facts are unilateral, but decisions are best made when all parties are respected and spirited debate creates ownership of direction. This is never truer than in the most important decisions. In other words, the more important the decision to be made, the more tolerance we should have for open discussion and honest debate.

So, let's stop the goofy bullies who stop appropriate and necessary discussion because they declare that what they know/believe is what we need to understand. The ability to understand cannot be ordered and mandated. The willingness to understand cannot be the result of intimidation. To understand takes great work, mutual work on all sides. It's worth a try. It demands a try.

Knowing

We know a lot more than what we know we need to do with what we know.

At our earliest age we begin to know things before we know what to do with what we know. An infant understands language before the development of what to do with that language. For example, a two year old child, after receiving a gift from a grandparent will be asked by Mom or Dad, "And what do you say to Grandma?" Everyone enjoys hearing the child say, "Thank you." Same child may have a vocabulary of only a few words, but early on the important words are learned, and even before the child is able to verbalize these new words, hearing and listening them repeatedly, and in appropriate contexts, constitutes the foundation for doing something with what we have learned, what we know.

Of course, children also quite quickly pick up on those words heard around the home, words parents many times wish they had not used. It isn't as cute when a two year old spews a profanity, leaving an embarrassed parent with no recourse but to exclaim, "where did you hear that?!," while everyone else simply rolls their eyes.

We learn first, then do something with what we have learned. Knowledge precedes language.

This post submits to the reader a challenge to proactively surround yourself with important things. To do otherwise will create the prospect of learning lesser things, even junk, which then serves as a catalyst to do something with the junk just learned. A silly example, perhaps, is music. There's good music and there's bad music. How many of us, after decades of remembering a really bad pop song of years past, can still sing that song word for word? Marketing knows the insidious power of commercial jingles (think, "Save big money at ...") Once the jingle gets embedded it is virtually impossible to remove the "knowledge" of the marketer.

What to do? Steer away from junk and toward quality. Dump the bad stuff in the recycle bin and delete the entire bin. Create more memory space for what is important. We know how to keep our machines clean. Let's be as diligent with what we know. If most of what we know is truly important, then it follows that what we do with what we know will improve. What we have to say will actually carry substance. People will value our contributions because the weeding of unimportant matters has already occurred. Don't be a receptacle for what the world thinks is important. Make those decisions yourself.

Choices and Wannabes

Choices are good. No choices, even lack of choices, are not so good. Choices imply availability of options. No options mean you have no choices. No choices takes away one's freedom. Options give us breathing room to empower decisions. That's good. We want choices.

Interestingly, it is quite rare to actually have no choices. We may not like the choices we have, but there are choices, nevertheless. It must also be pointed out that the vast majority of our choices involve decisions that are relatively unimportant. Fill in the blanks. Think about the choices you make each day and ask yourself how important are most of them in the grand scheme of things. Do the choices you make significantly impact your day? Probably, most don't. If they do, then perhaps you are loaded down with too much responsibility. One can make only so many truly important choices everyday before overload results and burnout rears its ugly head. Agree?

The gist of this post is to briefly explore the issue of whether at the root of many of our choices is the desire, or possibly even the need, to be something other. People who want to be something other or to have something other or to be thought of as something other many times are known as wannabes. Wannabes are a contemporary version of yesterday's "keeping up with the Joneses." Wannabes are dissatisfied with the real and find perceived value in the other. Therefore, we define success as needing something, happiness in having something, power in knowing something, and the like. The bottom line is that too often we look to the other, the not yet, the out there, as our reason to formulate our choices. It is a type of admission that we are not content with what we have. Foolishly, we believe need more to be what we wannabe.

This is a prescription for disaster. Improving one's lot in life is admirable. Convinced that one must have something other in order to be valued is detrimental. To further the gist here, do a quick inventory of what is most important to you. Only you can do this. Then ask how your time and energy and resources are being utilized to accomplish this task. At the same time you will, undoubtedly and painfully, encounter how much time and energy and resources are going toward unimportant things. Sadly and teasingly, importance is fleeting. What is really, really, really important today is not so important tomorrow. Wisdom is understanding the bigger picture. Discipline is carrying out one's priorities. Joy is knowing you are living your life with respect for who you are and not who you may wannabe.

Choose to wannabe what's important and cast aside all imposters. It really is your choice.

Paper or Plastic

The brain is no bigger than one's fist and yet is the summation of same one's intelligence. No other part of the body thinks or communicates to us what is happening unless it goes through the brain. The nervous construction of the body is processed in the neural receptor of the brain. If the brain doesn't know it, no other portion of the body will.

The brain is so powerful that it has the ability to sense pain even if there is nothing there to be pained, such as a phantom limb. If someone loses a leg to an accident, for example, the person can still sense pain in a leg that is no longer there. A person who is under the influence of a mind-altering psychadelic drug may "see" dripping walls and "feel" creepy spiders. Are the walls dripping and the spiders creeping? Not to us, but it is very real to the one under influence.

Can the brain be trained? Yes, such as is the case of an athlete who is conditioned to have a high tolerance for pain. Or, a musician who learns the nuance of harmony and dissonance, of notes and chords. Can the brain be damaged? Of course. When the brain is damaged, not only is the organ of thought and neural coordination affected, but the very person changes. After the brain is altered, simply or catastrophically, the person is never the same again. Who we once were is no more, and who we are now is someone different. Obviously, the spectrum of change is massive, but the change exists nevertheless.

What can happen to the brain is fascinating. What we put into the brain can be bizarre. Several years ago, a man of my acquaintance suffered a stroke in his early forties. He was a strong man with a wonderful sense of humor, many friends, a strong work ethic, and was a devoted family man. After the stroke, and with caring therapy which restored a lot of his motor skills, he never recovered his speech. He was engaging in conversation, reacting with a pleasant ability to listen, laugh and facially respond. However, his entire vocabulary was three words, always said in the same order and lilt of the local grocery store clerk, "paper or plastic?"

How are you doing today? "Paper or plastic." Did you have a good meal? "Paper or plastic." Did you watch the football game last night? "Paper or plastic." I must be going. "Paper or plastic." Thanks for the visit. "Paper or plastic." Good bye. "Paper or plastic." He never regained one more vocabulary word.

How bizarre that a person can be reduced to such limited abilities through a stroke. Who could have ever thought that the first time this man heard "paper or plastic" would later become a memory of the only three words he could recall? No one wants a stroke and strokes are not easily avoided. That's not the point. The point is that we should be good stewards of the brains we have. We need each other and what our brains bring to all that we have. Garbage in, garbage out. A good early new year's resolution would be to be more conscious of that incredible brain each of us has and to treat it with utmost respect as if our lives depended on it. Why? Because they do.

A Hokey Ho-Ho-Ho

DISCLAIMER: This post will be disturbing and unsettling to some readers. Read at your own risk.

Santa Claus is sacred to many people. A few years ago Billy Bob Thornton starred in a movie around Christmas time depicting Santa in a less than appealing role. Society went nuts. How dare portray the guy with a gut in a red suit who does nothing but good for children and people everywhere depicted in a movie in such a negative fashion howled letters to newspaper editors across the country. In a world of incredibly significant crises (poverty, starvation, war, disease -- you know, the usual stuff) it was not difficult to see where societal priorities stacked up. In short, don't mess with Santa Claus.

No, Virginia, there is no Santa Claus, except when we define him as something other than a real person. Yes, there are roots in history of Santa type benevolent people, but c'mon: elves, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney, visiting everyone's home every year on one night? And then on top of that, we get a plethora of red suit guys (and gals) arriving as early as Thanksgiving who aren't really Santa Claus, who are identified as his helpers, and the next thing we have are some very confused children.

On the topic of confusion, a tramautic day in the life of many children is when she/he discovers there is no Santa. Up till then (as with the Easter bunny) life was to be learned from the teaching grown ups in their life. Now we have concepts espoused by trusted adults who must explain that although we have acted for years like there is a Santa, well, we're here to tell you there really isn't a Santa, but that's okay because you can still believe there is a Santa in your heart just realize it's all a dream. Of course, Madison Avenue needs for everyone to believe the dream (REALLY, REALLY BELIEVE THE DREAM), particularly when shopping, on account that our economy depends largely on shopping days before Christmas.

So, who's got a bee in his bonnet? Read on.

In our one newspaper town (>150,000), in today's Lifestyle section, front page, is a feature article complete with eight color pictures highlighting, get this, "Scary Santas." In each picture is a different Santa with a child who isn't "very jolly." With cold, matter of fact analysis, the author explains it's hard to blame the "crying, screaming or just trying to get the heck away from him" kids. Captions under some of the pictures included a 14 month old girl who "didn't enjoy sitting on Santa's lap" (Who put her there?!?!), a 16 month old girl who also "wasn't happy to be on Santa's lap" (same question), a four and 1/2 year old girl who "looks scared," a three year old boy "unsure about his visit with Santa" along with his 20 month old sister who "is sure how she feels -- she doesn't like it," a 23 month old girl who "isn't enjoying her visit to Santa," though her mom is "trying to cheer her up." Enough? Read on.

In a world where school officials and other youth counselors do an excellent job instructing all children to be leery of strangers, to never allow unknown people to touch them, and certainly to never sit on stranger's laps, why, in heaven's name, do we stand in long lines to allow just that? Is it offensive to ask who wants this photo op anyway? The infants? Meow.

If you're still reading, apologies are offered for the length of this post. Perhaps it should have been a two parter. Let me finish with this. With the newspaper's shameful, pathetic attempt of a "Christmas" story, (at the bottom of the page) a plea was made to readers to submit more "Scary Santa" photos to "show off," with a promise to "add as many as we can to the online photo gallery." My, my, my. For this a Child was born? Yes, yes, of course. Absolutely. Nevertheless, Emmanuel! Forgive us, for fudging on the true story of Your birth. For we know the words of the Christmas angels, "Do not be afraid." There is no reason to be scared when the true story is told.

More or Less

"More or Less" language confuses more than it helps and when it helps it helps little.

When gazing at the stars at night one could conjecture there are hundreds of stars "more or less." A child would see such a number as significantly large, whereas a knowledgeable astronomer might raise the number of stars to millions "more or less." In other words, there a whole bunch of stars in the sky, too many to exactly know for sure. Similar suppositions could be offered for the number of gallons of water in the ocean, the number of grains of sand on the seashore, or even the number of beans in a jar. All guesses would be just that -- guesses. Perhaps educated guesses, but guesses nevertheless.

At the other end of the spectrum of "more or less" would be clearly quantifiable numbers. Should someone use "more or less" language in these circumstances would result in such person looking silly. For example, to state one has three children more or less, or to posit one's prescription medicines or safety deposit boxes, or to ask for a check at dinner out and be told by the server the bill will be $17 more or less, to say you have one living parent more or less, amounts to a person who is clueless about matters that can be determined with accuracy.

The first category (stars, water, sand, and beans) allows permission to use "more or less" language. The latter category (children, medicines, money, and parents) requires precision. What's interesting is the in-between stuff. For instance, to be informed that 30,000 Iraqis "more or less" have died so far in the war is statistical garbage to people who do not care. However, to the grieving survivors of 30,000 people (men, women and children, many civilian) such death casualities are disturbing, to say the least. Closer to home, when told "we" have "lost" "about" 2,130 troops a different group of people are brought into the equation.

How repulsive to relegate the death of humans to being "worth it," and boldly admitting to have no end in sight, should be cause for alarm for all of us. The "loss" of human life is atrocious language. Strategic war nomenclature conveniently permits both sides to diminish what is actually happening (targeting people for death) as euphemistically "lost." The dead were never lost. Factually, they were killed by someone. "Friendly fire?" Please. Euphemisms run amok.

This post will probably get a million comments, more or less. I will read every one of them, more or less, because everyone, more or less, deserves utmost attention.

Don't Stop -- Keep Going

Tis the season to be jolly -- Fa La La La La, Fa La La La!

But it's also the season for mean people to be meaner. I'm convinced certain sinister types know fully well that we are all a little more vulnerable this time of the year. We let down our guard because we are surrounded with seasonal music, special television programs, greeting cards, baked goods and parties and more parties. We correspond with friends we haven't heard from since last year. All the above create a joy, a kind of happiness uniquely associated with December and the holidays.

In the midst of this is our vulnerability to being hurt. Like an ambush, someone says something or writes something with underlines and quotations and we are stunned as to why this is taking place -- AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR! Well, dear friends, that's the desired shock from our malicious acquaintances. After many years we are not invited to parties. Rituals of annual shopping trips take place without us, because we were not included. Phone calls and e-mails are ignored. Hmmm.

Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Milton Bradley would have said, "Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect Two Hundred Dollars." Marshall Dillon would have said, "Get out of town." Whatever it takes, stay clear of mean people this time of year. The pain they inflict will only be heightened and accentuated because of our vulnerability. Remember, mean behavior is a commentary on the mean people, not you. It says more about THEM, than you.

Look around and locate people who strive to not tolerate abusive behavior. There is true peace among those who remember the reason for the season. Steer away from harm, be drawn toward love. If you don't feel strong enough, contact a friend. That's what friends are for. In a brutal world, there is always an even more powerful good. Don't Stop -- Keep Going. Help is on the way in the form of someone who really cares about you. The pretense of care is fleeting and offensive. You know it and they know it. The presence of care is freeing and welcoming. Don't Stop -- Keep Going.

Stress

Stress. The word itself stirs and changes us. Whatever was going on before the word came into our mind, now things are different. Stress, on the surface, is neutral. It's real, of course, but its impact is in the eye of the beholder. Only a corpse has no stress, unless one defines rigor mortis as stress. No, stress is the property of the living. What's unique is that some people fear and seek to avoid stress, while others embrace and are energized by the same stress. It's an interesting and indisputable dichotomous phenomenon.

Early in life certain types of people are thrust into a world where stress is not an option because it is inflicted, sometimes viciously, upon them. All things considered, these people would never have chosen stress, but it was not their choice. It was the hand they were dealt. They were left to survive or be overwhelmed. Survivors grow accustomed to the necessity of confronting stress, while those overwhelmed become victims to a cruel power over them that they cannot master. Over time survivors can be worn down and become victims. Victims, once victimized, rarely recover and remain weakened and scarred by their experience.

It is the formidable years of our lives when stress takes root. There is a segment of the population who, again by no deliberate choice of their own, are graciously spared having to contend with stress until a few years are under their belts. Nevertheless, stress always looms and fertilizes eventually. It is unavoidable.

The issue becomes how to handle stress. The absence of stress creates lethargy and we become prone to mistakes. Some stress is good. It makes us want to get out of bed in the morning, bathe, be reliable in the world, buckle our seatbelts, look both ways, etc. Stress can serve as an energizer, jump-starting us to go farther and further than we might had we felt no stress.

The problem is too much stress. When our stress level enters the red zone, danger rears its head. If we hate getting out of bed, because we hate our jobs and don't want to be around certain people, if we hate to bathe because our low self esteem proclaims we never look good enough (smell right, have bright enough teeth, hair never combs right/hair is falling out/wish we had hair, clothes are unattractive, and the like), if we hate, well, if we just hate a lot of things, then it is a guarantee we will be stressed out.

What to do? Be realistic and don't lust for the ideal. Be thankful for all the good you do have in your life. Focus on the blessings and steer away from the burdens. Acknowledge that one can never ignore the bad, but one can always relegate it to a lesser position. Welcome stress as an important part of your life, but don't let it control your life. Remember, stress makes you tick, stress makes you sick. Not enough or too much are our enemies. The key is the balance.

Finally, avoid like the plague dealing with stress alone. When isolated from family and/or friends the chances rise astronomically that stress will feast on us. The antidote to excess stress is to allow yourself to be in the presence of others who care about you. Don't hesitate to take advantage of such a loving network. You, undoubtedly, would want to help a loved one; accept their love regularly. Do not fear stress. Fear excess stress.

Unexpected Gifts

Gifts are wonderful. Most gift giving and receiving is predictable, gifts exchanged at prescribed times in agreed to places. These are good times and usually appreciated by everyone. We should keep this practice.

Unexpected gifts come in two categories -- intentional and unintentional. Each of these categories have two subcategories -- giving and receiving. First, intentional unexpected gift giving is when you choose to surprise someone with a gift. This results in the recipient not prepared for your generosity. Sometimes the recipient has early guilt for not reciprocating, which is sad (and the topic of another post). Many times, however, the recipient is emotionally moved by such an act of kindness and this is pleasing to the giver. Good times.

This second category -- the recipient of the intentional unexpected gift is often inspired to create the same surprise for someone else. In pyramid fashion more and more people become involved and the world becomes a better place. When the recipient of the intentional unexpected gift is unmoved by such an act of generosity the world is closer to becoming a bitter place. This, too, is sad.

Third, the unintentional gift giver is a rare and underappreciated person who, simply by carrying out an essence of generosity blesses others. We need more people in this category. Their ability to naturally, without fanfare, say or do those things, unknowingly, creates the likelihood that when you are around them we are all the better off for it. Prayers of thanksgiving ascend for people who come into our lives at the precise moments when we needed them. Without intending good will and with no desire to be noticed, we carry on wondering how we could ever have existed without such benevolence. They're like angels to us. Just like angels.

This fourth category, the unintentional gift receiver, carries quite a lengthy membership list. Because of category three and the incredible, kind, positive influence of the few, we, the many, are left with a decision -- become indifferent to such generosity, or worse, believe we are entitled to such gifts. How tragic to be the recipient of an unexpected gift, intentional or unintentional, and allow it to die with us. How shameful to be so preoccupied with ourselves that we choose not to "pass it forward".

At this time of year when gifts can be given and received with the predictability of a metronome and the excitement of a metronome, pause and give thanks for the unexpected gifts. Better yet, become an unexpected gift giver. Thank you from all of us!

Go Anyway

This time of year social gatherings are frequent and, at times, all consuming. People already are groaning at the mention of another party. My own border line cynical opinion is that one reason parties start sooner and sooner each year is to better the chances for the party giver to host a festive occasion BEFORE everyone is fried with too much fun at too many get togethers.

Parties are great, but too much of anything can be, well, too much. Whether it be too much food, too much drink, too much tolerating too many conversations you would just as soon avoid, too much fuss about playing the social games, or maybe just too much genuine fun, around too many friends, too many times, too late at light, which makes us too tired and too cranky the next day because we DID NOT GET TOO MUCH SLEEP... regardless of what's going on in your world, remember you are wonderfully networked with, for the most part, wonderful people. Unfortunately, this time of the year catches the brunt of our attempts to enjoy these friendships.

This cram course of socializing is taxing, but think of it as investments for the new year in connecting with people who care about you and whom you care about. The temptation will be to configure some lame alibi for not attending the next party. That is understandable, but in the long run, it might be wise to go anyway. Our friends put in an enormous amount of work (and money) to provide a time of enjoyment and our attendance is much appreciated. (I'm putting as possible a spin on this as I can, because I am fully aware, Oh, am I fully aware! of those few people who put on the ritz in a usually pathetic attempt to impress.) Even in the midst of reasons not to go, go anyway. Your friends are worth it. How long one stays is a matter of discretion, but go anyway. Many people would love to have the opportunity to be invited to even one of the many parties we go to. Don't take that for granted. Go.

Motive

Who? What? Where? When? Why? We are taught early in school that a good news story addresses these five basic questions. The first four are relatively easy to research and can be summarized in a short space. Of course, each answer can be expounded upon and take up more space, but the essence of the inquiry is still basic.

When it comes to addressing the question "Why?" everything changes. To tackle the "why" question requires you get behind the basics and begin to explore the inner workings. Causal behavior comes into play. Motive fascinates us. Motive can be shocking and it can be inspiring. When we understand motive we better understand the person and the reason for the action. The first four aforementioned questions, for the most part, involve objective data. The "Why" question, however, surrounds us with the intrigue of subjective hypotheses. Conjecture comes into play and quickly we discover many times that rarely are there clear motives. It simply is more complex than that.

For the purpose of this post an offer is extended to you to take some deliberate time and ask yourself "why" you do a lot of the things you do. What motivates you? Is there an attempt to emulate a role model? Does compulsive behavior factor in? Where is the matter of competitive tendencies? Is there any evidence of the need to vicariously accomplish something? Are we trying to measure up to someone else's expectations of us?

A poor motive creates the probability of an unimportant outcome. On the other hand, a lofty motive, regardless of grandeur, significantly improves the chances for a valuable outcome. Life is too short for putzing with the inconsequentials. Dream big. Make a difference. You are worth it and we will all be better for it.

Who 'Ya Hanging With?

Simple it is. Profound it is. Obvious it is. So, why can it be so difficult to hang out/associate with good, positive people? More to the point, why can it be so difficult to refuse to associate with negative people?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is there the sound of judgmentalism in this post? I can not lie. I don't lie. Of course there is and, unapologetically, I wish there was more of it (not more lying, but intolerance of negativity!) Why? Because increasing tolerance of negativity undermines the good in our relationships and in our endeavors.

Although there is an undeniable strain of "bad" in all humankind, the vast majority of people are basically good. Thelogically, it could be said we are born sinful and unclean. That's true in my book, but, nevertheless, it is amazing and heartwarming to see all the good in people all around us. Come to think about it, truly negative people are relatively few and far between. The problem is that one negative person can taint a group of positive people. Children learn early in life that a rotten apple spoils the barrel. Watch out if there are a few bad apples in the barrel!

The thought for this post is not to drip criticism onto an obvious, odoriferous fact of the sinister power of negativity. Future posts will address that. For the sake of this musing, the incredible awareness being lifted up is that good people abound. Positive women, men and children are everywhere. It is not difficult to spot them. We are all blessed to have them in our midst. Odds are you are one of them. Thank you, because we don't offer thanks enough. Instead, we shamefully waste precious time and energy countering the anchor of negativity.

Strong words? Perhaps. Reponses are invited. In the meantime, ask yourself who 'ya hanging with lately? Maybe it's time for a change. Maybe not. Only you can make that decision.

Just Say "Yes" to "Yes" or "No"

"Yes" is good and "No" is good. What's infuriating is when someone says "Yes" then does the opposite. It's also annoying when someone says "No", thereby leading you to believe they did not mean "Yes", only to discover later that this person's "No" simply meant "I changed my mind, okay, like is it a crime?" No, of course, it is not a crime, only confusing, particularly when said person does this quite often.

So, "Yes" is good and "No" is good, let's just mean it when we use these words.

"Yes" opens up opportunities. "Yes" allows a possibility to become a reality. "Yes" affirms that what was only a concept can now become a strategic plan, at least get us moving in that direction. "Yes" carries risk, because other people now assume your position and respond accordingly. "Yes" should only be used with stated confidence, otherwise we should qualify it with "I think so." "I think so" is much better than saying "Yes" only to later renege.

"No" is good, but closes action. There is incredible power in "No". Something that could have happened is now terminated. When used appropriately, "No" clarifies and allows a future possible "Yes", but for now what could be is not an option. "No" does not necessarily preclude an action or a relationship. It means the future must be worked on before a "Yes" can be issued. Like "Yes", "No" should only be used with stated confidence. If such confidence does not exist, then "I don't think so" is better.

One more thing: "I think so" does not mean "Yes" and "I don't think so" does not mean "No." To think they do is only an admission of ambiguity. Each of these reponses is of utmost importance should quality communication be achieved. When these four responses are used in sloppy fashion and indiscriminately, confusion will surely reign. Just say "Yes" to either "Yes" or "No", or honestly qualify your response, and our understanding and appreciation for each other will dramatically improve. And that's good. Very good.

The Need To Be Right Can Be Wrong

Right is right and wrong is wrong, but sometimes it is better to give it a rest. Of course, there is no good argument for advocating wrong. Wrong does damage and the damage that results destroys those things most important to us. Also, there is no excuse for suspending right when it's best to admit wrong. Usually, wrong reeks havoc. Wrong should be avoided.

Nevertheless, there are few things more annoying than to be around someone who has to be right all the time. Simple differences of opinion too often become a battleground where hurt rears its head when someone fights to the end. What's really sad is when the difference of opinion is over something rather trite. "Okay, maybe we shouldn't have taken that exit." "Okay, okay, you were right, I should not have washed the car today." "Okay, okay, okay, enough is enough..." And the next thing you know, tempers flare and words issued are only regretted later. What a waste of precious energy.

Being right is commendable. The world needs more right, but many times the need to be right can be wrong. Give it a rest. Some wrongs can easily be ignored and the world will keep turning. Focus on what's important. Strive for what needs to be done. It's a better use of time. Your friends will thank you.

A Special Kind Of Joy

Joy is good. However one chooses to define joy, I think we all could enjoy life a little more. Heck, the entire world could use more joy. Much of the time it seems we live in a joy-less culture with a joy-less state of mind. It's probably our own fault. Infatuation, lust, desire, craving, envy all come to us many times hiding behind a mask of artificial joy. We don't need more things pretending to give us joy. We need more authentic joy.

Ah yes, so what is authentic joy? That's a complex question, but a few elementary ideas can be suggested. For instance, authentic joy does not produce guilt. Authentic joy requires someone with which to share it. Authentic joy is lasting, sometimes capable of being reproduced, but always empowering when simply remembering it. Authentic joy is indisputable, although sometimes difficult to describe.

Above all types of joy is a special kind of joy. An incredible kind of joy is experienced whenever you witness the authentic joy of someone you love. When you really love someone, care for that someone, are spiritually connected to that someone, that is when, by simply observing that person's authentic joy, you are elevated to a higher special kind of joy. An example of this occurs when a parent/spouse/friend experiences the true joy of the other person. The demonstrable authentic joy in a person's life, someone you really love, may be the best kind of joy there is. Truly, a special kind of joy.

Meeting Friends For The First Time

Every significant friendship starts with a first meeting. Somewhere in time an encounter with someone, perhaps even by happenstance, where all you do is say hello, becomes a seed planted for a wonderful relationship. Although I believe in love at first sight, my guess is that it is more common to be in the vicinity of your future friend without knowing it. Only after something or some other person serendipitously causes a first conversation can the friendship be conceived.

The focus of this post is to lift up the reality that every person you meet has the potential to become a friend. Only with time do we discover these things. Nevertheless, if we anticipate, that is, if we actually aggressively look for the possibility that the people we meet could become our friends, I believe we increase the likelihood that we will indeed create more friends.

The focus of this post is not to propose that we all need more friends. Such decisions are individual preference. It is, however, an interesting and reassuring fact that in a complex world where a good friend is hard to find, one may not have to look too far to find that someone special. Consider the people you meet this week as first time strangers and possibly long time friends. You'll know the difference and celebrate the outcome!

It's Right In Front Of Us

Continuing with yesterday's thoughts of believing that everything that happens to us prepares us for what still lies ahead, I, also, believe that what is needed for tomorrow is always right in front of us.

Life is replete with events that are sometimes predictable and, at other times, shockingly surprising. Regardless, everything that happens to us requires something of us to capably make it through whatever it is that is happening. Many of us, much of the time, fret about whether we are up to the task or not. We often panic that we need something more to endure and successfully complete the task. We fear the worst and, unwittingly, are actually preparing for failure.

To be successful we must corral all those things necessary at our disposal if we will ever have a chance. The topic of this post is to assert that I believe that what is needed is always right in front of us. That's right, everything necessary is already there. That thing or those things may not be in final form or polished and shined, but the raw stuff necessary to make things happen is right in front of us. Such raw stuff is sometimes quite evident, and at other times quite veiled, but the ingredients are always there.

I'll go one more step. Almost always the help comes in the form of a person, who just happens to say the right thing, do the right thing, or point to the right thing. Beware. It's right in front of you. Do not hesitate to tap into angels unawares. The future is manageble. Storms are followed by rainbows. Finally, give some attention to another thought: you and I are the very ones frequently right in front of a person who needs us. Don't underestimate how incredibly valuable you are in the scheme of things, but that's the topic of another post.

There Is A Reason

I hear the question a lot, "Why is this happening to me?" Rarely is it asked after something good has occurred. Usually it has been preceded by something bad, perhaps even catastrophic. Sometimes it can be the questioning of an individual, at other times of a group, such as a couple or family. Such concerns can even be offered by communities or countries, e.g., why did the disaster have to happen?" The answers we give to such questions are too comprehensive to even begin to address in a blog post.

Nevertheless, for the sake of sharing honest thoughts here, I believe that everything that happens to us prepares us to better handle what is still going to happen. I have never felt comfortable saying, however, that we should be happy about everything that happens to us. In fact, I often wish the negative had never occurred, but I can still see something to be learned in everything that happens.

Some of the most incredible people I have ever met in my life, those people who seem to have it all together and have an eerie sense of calm about them, have experienced some of the saddest events in their lives that I have ever heard. What gives them such strength and stability? Many times these people are people of faith and attribute it to that. Often they give thanks to other people who were there "for them" and express the wonder that they don't know how they could have ever made it without those other people. Nearly all of them say that whatever it was that got them through the storm, the result was that they became stronger for what still loomed ahead.

Embedded in everything that happens to us is something to be learned, indeed embraced, which will help lay the foundation for a stronger person to grow. It takes time, sometimes excruciating time, but it will take place. We will be a stronger people if we are mindful of the struggles our sisters and brothers (and we) undergo everyday. Patience and compassion extended to one another will help illuminate the deep questions that seem to have no answers. With genuine love for one another the answers will evolve and help all of us to better understand that there is a reason, a reason why we need to always be there for each other.

Here's The Deal

This past summer at a triathlon in Lubbock, Texas, the race director unapologetically and frequently used the phrase, "Here's the deal." He explained that when people "around there" said "Here's the deal," they meant they were about to issue a firm statement. For example, "Here's the deal. We are doing our best to put on a quality race, but here's the deal. We're not perfect and there might be something you need, but here's the deal. Don't be afraid to tell us and maybe we can get you what you need."

So, here's the deal. This is my first posting of this blog site. I'm looking forward to conversing with you about the things that matter to us. I have no grand illusions, just a desire to broaden the community of people visiting with each other in a civil manner.

Poker is another venue where a "deal" is prominent. Although there are numerous reasons why poker is so hot these days, one reason I have not heard articulated well is the fact that it is a communal game bringing people to a table for some time with each other. The task of sharing is lifted up as each player takes a turn dealing (unless, of course, you're playing for big stakes like the pros and have a professional dealer.) But, usually, there is a pattern of sharing the deal and even allowing the dealer to determine the particular game and ante, etc. to be played.

I hope this blog site will create a place for us to share the deal and exchange thoughts which will be appreciated by all participants. I anticipate our time together to be rewarding to those who comment, as well as those who casually observe. We've got a new deck of cards. Let's deal.